Final letter to my Grandmother

Dear paati,

I miss you so much already. You were and will always be my favorite. You were my EVERYTHING since my childhood. My first love! My role model! My first fan! You left me and this world around 6pm on Feb 24th 2024 and I’m writing this letter as I fly to India to see you one last time.

You were a very very special person in my life. You sacrificed a lot for me. I was blessed to have you as my paati and you loved me and showed abundant care and love that no other granddaughter would have ever received from her grandmother.

My childhood memories with you are still fresh and I will never forget all you did for me – Right from soothing me whenever I cried or got hurt, making sure you were home when I got back from school, making sure my favorite after-school snack was ready everyday, making sure I got ready on time for my evening classes, making sure I walked safely on the sidewalk in the busy roads, making sure you stood where I could see you when you came to pick me up from my classes, making sure I’m not getting tanned playing in the sun, making sure you knew all my friends and making sure I was comfortable wherever I was. You did everything!!! I am who I am today because of you.

There is not a single close friend of mine who doesn’t know you. Some close ones even now remember how much I have troubled you while eating food. They still remember how we used to run behind each other (actually you chasing me) with my food plate all over the street. I was such a naughty little girl! I wouldn’t eat anything but you had so much patience to feed me and take care of me every single day.

Oh I’ll admit! I hated you when you started liking Lemon more than me after marriage. The first thing you asked me every time we spoke the past 14 years is “how’s Lemon”! 🙂 Lemon and I are both forever grateful for all your love and care.

I miss you so much paati. No other grandmother-granddaughter relationship in this world could ever be equivalent to ours! Our relationship has been the bestest!

You may have passed on now but your memories will always be with me. I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you.

We were a small-family-of-four. Both you and Amma have now left this world. Please give strength to me and appa to live in this world without the two of you. We need your blessings.

Love,

Lavender

And this happens everyday

She surprises me all the time with a letter or a drawing!

When I’m busy attending meetings, she takes a post-it note and writes “Amma I love you”.

When I’m cooking, she takes a marker and starts writing a letter to me. The letter will always say “Amma I love you”.

When I’m taking bath, she sits near the bathroom door and sings. When I come out, I’ll see a new post-it note that says “You are the best mom in the world!”.

When I’m in the family room watching a movie, she takes a paper and starts drawing a picture of me.

When I scold her, she smiles or cries and still says Amma I love you.

She is my darling Lily!! I love her to the moon and back.

The school was closed today because of a snow storm and this is what she drew while I was in a meeting ❤️

#Blogathon2023

Of thoughts and feelings

Nap time which I once thought was a punishment feels like a vacation now

Fast food which I once thought is bad food is now my favorite

Work which I once thought was boring is now keeping me super busy

Presenting in front of a crowd which I once thought was scary comes easily to me now

Kids which I once thought were troublesome is now my life

Perfect husband which I once thought was a dream is now real

Family which I once thought are always questioning is now my answer to everything

Friends which I once had very few are now plenty

Movies which I once watched only once or twice a year is like a everyday routine these days

Commute which was once very long and tiring is now only few steps

Kitchen which I once thought was off limits is now the place where I spend most of my time at home

Dance which I once thought was hard is all super way now. I’m performing this Saturday at a Pongal celebration

Online shopping which I once thought I’d never do is now my favorite pass time

Blogging which I once thought I’ll never resume has become a regular habit now!

That’s it! I’ll stop now! Ciao folks!

#Blogathon2023

p.s.: This post is from my drafts and I’ve no idea if I posted this in my blog long long ago😬🙈😁

Back home

Appa is back home!! He had a biopsy yesterday and is doing good for now. He is a little tired but much better than how he was one week ago. We are going to have to wait for his biopsy results to come later next week and then determine the treatment plan . Until then it is all about taking good care of ourselves. Thank you to all those who prayed for him 🙏🏻

All I want to do now is relax. Take lots of rest. Pray that the whatever he has is not malignant. Pray that all this gets over soon.

And, I can’t wait to celebrate Pongal with everyone in the family tomorrow.

Happy Pongal everyone! 🙂

#Blogathon2023

Directions?

I was driving to the hospital today, and suddenly I realized I was lost. The roads didn’t seem familiar at all. I was tensed! Why you ask? Because driving in Boston downtown is a nightmare for me. Just when you think the coast is clear to take a turn, a cyclist will pop out of nowhere at your side. If there’s even a slightest gap in front of you, someone is sure to cut you and go!!

Anyways, I should have turned on the GPS when I started from home. But hey! I’ve been to the hospital many times now. I don’t need the map is what I thought!!

You think I knew the route? No!

Fortunately, I was able to turn the GPS on my phone without going further in traffic. Only after I took a familiar turn, I was relaxed. And just when I thought I was back on track, the gps goes “In 900 feet take a right”. Uh? 900 what? How the heck am I supposed to know how much is 900 feet? You all know I’ve my own challenges! Top on the list is also directions. The gps instructions are very silly! My brain cannot process these. As soon as I hear x feet in instructions, I panic!

The way I get by is with landmarks… For example, here’s the red building, take the next right. Or here’s the library, now take left! If one day they change the color of the red building, or the library becomes a school, you can imagine how clueless I’ll be!

Obviously I missed the turn at 900 feet and was going round and round until I finally reached the hospital!

I wanted to write about this in my blog today so I started taking pictures as I was figuring my way… here are the pics:

First missed a turn on this bridge

Went thru’ this unknown street

On another bridge…

Then sat in more traffic…

And finally reached the hospital

See? Blogathon can make you do anything… like use any opportunity to come up with a blog post! 😜

#Blogathon2023

Chaos…

… is everywhere around me! It is frustrating to feel like every step we have taken to try to pull ourselves from the rut we have fallen into amounts of nothing. It is so frustrating and difficult to see past the temporary nature of our current problem. It’s been 4 weeks and we still have no answer. Expectations unmet.

Life seems to be playing some kind of a bad game with me. A game where all bad sources unite to target me. Maybe this is all black magic? How else can I describe all the bad events happening around my life?

Appa’s BP is low. His sodium is low. He is anemic and list goes on and on. A lot of tests and investigations are going on. Some days I work from the hospital. Some other days Lemon works from the hospital.

I shuffle between home, hospital, work and running errands. It is all so exhausting! Do I focus on work? Do I focus on dad? Right now, I’m most worried about him. What the heck is going on in my life? I’m so tired. I can’t handle the pressure hitting straight at me from all directions.

I don’t know what to do. I have important meetings lined up. I can’t miss my deadlines. I have other things to take care of. Dad might need 2 other biopsy. I want to cry! Please God, make this all end soon!!!

#Blogathon2023

Hey Sunlight!

It has been a while since I saw you. This morning, I stood next to my window, sipping my hot coffee and was determined to find you. I looked from windows in my living room, my dining room, my kitchen and my deck. But nope, you were nowhere to be found!! I only saw deserted streets! Not a soul in sight and it was a gloomy grey day! So, it is official – you are missing (again!)!

There are times when you have made my day soooo beautiful! I remember the days when you flooded my house with sunlight. Amma, patti and I would lay the vadams one row after another in plastic sheets. We will feel your warmth on our skin, and all traces of our sorrow will be washed away in your golden light!

There are also times when you have made me spend a lot of money on sunscreen! I remember the days when I was at the beach. You made me shift from one shady spot to another/change the direction of my umbrella from 30′ to 45′ to 90′. I hated you!

… And then there are times when you make me feel sad. I can barely get by when you are not around. It is in the absence of something we realize how important it is. Right? Ain’t this human habit? They also say seasonal depression settles in when you don’t show up for more than a week. You make the human body lack Vitamin D and health issues strikes us for real.

So why am I talking so much about you today you ask? Because Lemon bought me vitamin D tablets! He was giving me a lecture on how important vitamin D is and it only made me realize how important you are in my life! So, all I want now is for you to save me from the bite of cold winds. I want you to fill my home with your golden light and let us all be happy once again!

-Lavender

#Blogathon2023

When you have a long day…

… You feel grumpy. You get cranky. You cry!

When it feels like you are running from one errand to another for 40 hours straight –

You ignore the pending kitchen work.

You pull a plate from the rack, open the snack packet you just bought. Put your favorite things on the plate. Add some ketchup.

You take it to your bedroom. Turn on the TV.

You bite into one of the yummiest creations, watching your favorite tv show.

You sip hot coffee!

Ah, happiness.

Yummy snack! This was my dinner today.

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Finally ~ the snow is here!!

It’s all white everywhere!! It’s winter!!!! What a beautiful sight it was today! Clouds, Wind and Snow! ❄️

View from our deck!

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Random rant

1. Online Shopping

This one, oooooh, this one is my recent favorite! I’ve never liked shopping online but this has become my favorite time pass these days. If I have free time, the first thing I do is browse online. And just like that, I’ve got many many things for me, for lemon and for the kids. Now I’m looking to get a purple jacket. You see the spring is going to be here soon and I need something light!

2. Online Research

I love research. It could be any topic and researching it gives me knowledge. And you see knowledge is power! So why not do it online?

3. Writing

Maybe it’s just me, but I honestly–no matter how I am feeling–I love to write.

4. Staring at my phone

So appa and I are now at the hospital… waiting to see a doctor. As I wait in the emergency room, I’m spending time doing #1 – #3. There’s a long wait and all I can do now is stare at my phone while waiting to be called.

#Blogathon2023